1. |
Pre-Teen Books
02:19
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the third time.
I am holding onto the wire in my too-steady hands,
And I think I'm pushing hard, but I really don't want to break the skin.
I just want the surface cuts.
I want the type of pain that I can handle.
I want the scares to show that I "handled it"
If I believed and I went for the bone,
all the germs on my skin would seep inside and ruin me.
I've never been quite ready to cut that deep because I'm not sure what I would do,
if I get to the center of my arm and I found
Something...
Missing...
Now I know, that only through the gashes
can I know myself enough to know what I want.
Maybe one day
When I'm older
I'll see you
And we'll compare our scares
and the common abrasions will fill up my insides
(if I find something... missing...)
Then at last I'll have something worth cutting into.
Then at last I'll have something worth letting go of, and holding on to.
credits
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2. |
Manic-D
02:45
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3. |
ItLoopsItsSelf
03:58
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You told me once, you liked my band
It doesn't matter what you feel now,
because I know how you felt then.
You said to call if I need a friend.
I need one now, but I don't want to be a burden.
It loops itself,
over again...
You guys hung out while I was gone,
You say he's really cool, and you think that we'll get along.
He's just like me, accept he's new.
I feel so fucking dead when I see how he looks at you.
It loops itself,
over again...
I know it's just noise and I over react,
but this time I don't know if I can control it.
The feedback is building and I can't seem to focus
on anything but the words.
They're ripped from their context, their reply is constant,
I start to believe that I probably caused this.
I never want you to know,
how often I would lie down in the snow.
And prey that no one finds me,
Until I decompose.
You told me once to go away.
I know you were just mad,
and you needed and excuse.
It loops it self,
over again.
"I love you boy", that's what you said.
"This curse of yours, is in your head,
You're still with me, we're still in bed..."
My mental tape, reaches the end...
I close my eyes,
and I pretend.
That this will loop it self. again.
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4. |
Garden Fence
02:30
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You lived you life above the ground.
Taking photos of all the loved ones you found.
Had a dream of living in the way we all want to one day.
And one night, a snake slithered in
Through a hole in your parents fence.
With the lights all out
in your house
you had no defense
you approached the snake,
and you claimed that it's your, "friend"
It slithered up your should,
and it claimed to have your back.
You were just too young to know that
a nibble isn't innocent.
One time turned quickly into two,
It started becoming something that you knew.
You made excuses for all of the violence.
And it's not okay, to me.
The bites soon turned ugly,
and started to fester.
You pulled away from of your family,
to save them from that torture.
You showed me the pairs of deep stab on you neck.
I want you to know it's not okay,
i want to touch your scars and rub them all away
but I know,
they're a part of your body.
With you neck all wrapped up,
you were forced to be the life of the party.
It slithered up your should,
and it claimed to have your back.
You were just too young to know that
a nibble isn't innocent.
One time turned quickly into two,
It started becoming something that you knew.
You made excuses for all of the violence.
Just know that at the end of all things,
if you wounds start to weep,
I would donate all my skin,
to make it all stop,
and maybe then you'll see
You're not the only person with a fucked up neck.
And you're okay to me.
And you'll always be.
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5. |
Pink's Not Dead
03:43
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The doctors told my mom that I was a girl.
Despite all her diagnosis (she wasn't sure)
So she gave me a name that could straddle the gap.
Not choosing as much as just letting everything work itself out.
My armor never fit, I was chubby but I wanted skin tight.
And my mom couldn't know, and I myself was't sure
if all these tight fitting clothes were the best for her boy.
I wrote my name in pink pen. and she loved me for it.
My father would often try to escape the world
for what it was in it's time.
He was hiding in bathrooms from the real threat
of getting beat up for being a little bit different.
My privilege is a constant reminder of how good things can be.
and how I can take it all for granted
Like how my body shows who I am
at least to a degree.
I know some aren't that lucky,
I know it's fucked but at least I can see it.
I hid behind my pink friends.
I loved them for it.
Then I found confused with the idea of being in love with two guys
who were not just older, but married.
Trying to convince myself and everyone else that
I'm not just a home wrecker,
not just a blood letter.
I kept the colors from bleeding,
making sure the paper white shows through in between.
Rainbows were always to loud for my tastes.
When I showed the sides each other,
they were just happy to know I would bother,
to let them in, to the world that I hid from
my friends and family, and in the end
from those, who didn't even give a shit.
I fell in love with pink men.
I'm not a afraid,
to have both my hands held tight.
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6. |
Young Adult Novels
02:59
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The cops are out,
so I'm nervous to speed.
But I'm gonna get to your house
even if it leaves my tank on empty
I've been on the road now
for a little over a month
and I think I deserve a stop at home
You see what I learned on the road;
The bad times will never go away,
But that doesn't mean that the good times have to go away
you don't have to go away.
Not every day is a novel.
But we treat them all as such.
I'd swallow ten-thousand Pre Teen Books'
worth of angst just to hold your hand.
I miss that.
Living in the shade of someone's shadow.
When you're around I'm happy I can look around.
Here's what I have to say.
The bad times will never go away,
But that doesn't mean that the good times have to go away
you don't have to go away.
I can be the awkward boyfriend, I can tell the truth.
I can act like everything is going well.
From what I can tell.
The bad times will never go away,
But that doesn't mean that the good times have to go away, at all.
you don't have to go away.
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